As humans, it’s only natural for us to want what others have. I mean who wouldn’t want to be living lavishly and enjoying a life you can only dream of? We all do. Actually, I think it is OK to daydream and think about all the possibilities to get to where you want to go and even further.
However, there are healthy ways to use that as an inspiration and then, there are just ways in which some individuals (especially us ladies) grow jealous and bitter about what other people may have. I have heard time and again about women who compare themselves and what they have to what others have.
I am not going to lie, there are times when I think to myself, “Oh, that’s nice. I really want that too.” But it never gets to the point where I am “envious” of it or make it a point to get whatever it was. This is especially true for marriage. Being content with what you have and understanding the blessing God has bestowed upon your marriage is very important.
I’ve had countless conversations with many people about how some people get jealous of others and subsequently, their marriage falls apart due to this jealousy. These individuals get so infatuated with what others decide to post on their social media and start comparing their relationship/marriage to that of others.
Other stories I have heard include people going out of their way to be like someone they envy. Don’t spend money you can be saving (or frankly, you may not have) just to get what someone else has. It is equally important to live within your means. Here is the bottom line: if you find yourself thinking your marriage is falling short when compared to someone else’s marriage, remind yourself about what it is that you are seeing of this individual.
Nowadays, in this age of social media, people only show you what they want you to see. What you are seeing is called selective social media presence. You go on your Facebook or Instagram and look at what all your friends are doing. You may notice that some of those friends have the “perfect” relationship/marriage. Then you start wondering why your marriage isn’t like that. You start questioning where your marriage is going and seeing how “dull” and/or “comfortable” it got. All this start changing the way you think and eventually your mind.
Although it may appear that the grass is greener on the other side, it may not always be. People are very selective of what they show on social media. Usually, we see the picture-perfect lives many people lead. That’s great! But don’t fall into the trap that you need to do the same thing as them. So, don’t let that influence how you look at your own marriage.
Be selective yourself and really conscious of what kind of energy you’re connecting with. You have to remember and remind yourself to look at all the positive things your spouse does and all the beautiful aspects of your marriage. Don’t be destructive and only look at the negative sides of the individual you sleep next to every night.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
Do not start problems with your spouse just because you want your marriage to be exactly like someone else’s. No two marriages are alike. When times get tough, it is easy to blame the problems you might be facing on our spouse. It is totally natural. However, truth be told, marriage doesn’t work by pointing fingers at each other. Instead, it requires a lot of patience and compromise. Give them the benefit of the doubt and remind yourself that they are human. We are not perfect and we should not expect perfection from our spouses. Keep in mind the saying, “a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Constantly forgive your partner and think of ways in which you, yourself, can be better. Instead of that grass you were looking at, you’ll soon notice that you got a garden!
I’ll leave you with this: don’t miss out on what you HAVE. Remember to water YOUR grass rather than looking at someone else’s.
By: Sahra Bashir
Aspiring writer, photographer and blogger.